


isn't it kinda funny that you are dying alone?

by Queen_Of_Sarcasm



Series: Just Little Boys Playing Dress-up [10]
Category: DreamSMP, Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: All /rp and /dsmp, Amputee TommyInnit, Angst, Bittersweet Ending, Child Death, Clay | Dream Kills TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Emotional Manipulation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Implied/Referenced Violence, Major character death - Freeform, Manipulative Clay | Dream (Video Blogging RPF), No Dialogue, POV Second Person, Physical Abuse, Respect the real people :), Sad Ending, Spoilers for Tommy's 03/1 Stream, Suicidal Thoughts, Traumatized Tommyinnit (Video Blogging RPF), it is as sad as it looks, no beta read, sorry about this one lads
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-02
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-14 21:55:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,735
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29798433
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Queen_Of_Sarcasm/pseuds/Queen_Of_Sarcasm
Summary: "'Cos I've grown tired of this bodyA cumbersome and heavy bodyI've grown tired of this bodyFall apart without me body..."- Body by Mother Mother
Relationships: Cara | CaptainPuffy & TommyInnit, Floris | Fundy & TommyInnit, No Romantic Relationship(s), Ranboo & Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit, Sam | Awesamdude & TommyInnit, Technoblade & TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit, Toby Smith | Tubbo & Wilbur Soot & Technoblade & TommyInnit & Phil Watson, TommyInnit & Jack Manifold, TommyInnit & Niki | Nihachu, Wilbur Soot & Technoblade & TommyInnit & Phil Watson, Wilbur Soot & TommyInnit
Series: Just Little Boys Playing Dress-up [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1951354
Comments: 5
Kudos: 85





	isn't it kinda funny that you are dying alone?

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, if you have seen Tommy's March 1st Stream, watch that, otherwise this fanfic makes no sense. Warning for all the classic Tommy angst stuff, and some personal headcanons I threw in, hope you like them. Also, lines in italics are from a bit I wrote on my twitter, @queeniedoggo, go check it out. Anyway, enjoy! (Also, please comment, kudos, bookmark etc, thank you)!

_ When most heroes die, it means something. _

You and Death have met before.

It was never for longer than a single moment, a single blink, a single breath. She looked like a kind woman, and she always told you that she hoped that she didn’t see you again for a long time. You never promised her anything, because no matter how much you tried to deny it, you always knew that you would die before you turned 18.

The moment that you got locked into the cell with Dream during the explosions, you felt something deep inside of you accept that fact that you weren’t going to be able to leave this cell alive. You don’t know if you wanted to leave in a casket or a straight jacket, but you knew that you weren’t going to leave as yourself. However, you haven’t really been yourself for a long time.

You doubt you ever will be.

_ Achilles, a message of how love can hurt you. Heracles, a death of forgiveness and misunderstanding. Icarus, a story of arrogance and youth.  _

You still hold hope for there being an adult who actually cares.

Sam was your last hope for an adult that wanted you to live. You know that he did the bare minimum of caring for you, but it was more than you had gotten from your own family so you can’t complain. He made a robot to help you build a hotel, a place where everyone could live without need for wars and sides.

However, when he left you in the cell, even if it was a security measure, your heart broke completely. He knew what Dream had done to you but he still left you in there with him. You don’t know much about redstone, but you know that it wouldn’t take an entire week to fix the stuff that broke. You haven’t wanted the egg to possess someone before but you hoped that Sam’s apathy was not what he actually felt but because the egg was making him do it.

Puffy seemed to care. You only realized about halfway through the week that you had planned your first therapy session with her for the day after your last visit with Dream, obviously that didn’t happen. She was never there much during New L’manburg’s creation or exile but she seemed to understand that you weren’t as bad as everyone thought you were. You disagree with her however on the fact that you were a good kid and that you were worthy of love.

You haven’t even loved yourself for a while.

_ Theseus, a story of falling from grace. _

You hope that your family that is left can move on.

Phil was never even there during your childhood at home so you doubt that he will care if you die. He grieved when he had to kill Wilbur, but when you and Tubbo were in front of him, on death’s door, he didn’t cry. He barely even cared, he just told you that a lesson needed to be learned and you had to resist the urge to yell at him that everyone else has already taught you how to be what they want you to be.

Techno used to care or at least you hope that he did. Phil and him were never really there, both of them wanting glory and fighting more than their own family. You are very much aware that he views you as a traitor but you pray that he takes care of Tubbo when you go. He understands how it feels to lose your twin, to lose the other half of your soul. You can also relate to Techno being born with blood in his mouth, because you are going to die with blood in your mouth.

Tubbo has always been at your side, you hate that you will die apart from him. It is okay though, because he has people who care about him. Ranboo and him got married the week before you got trapped, it was nice. Puffy and Sam also seem to still care about him so he has them. You know that he will mourn for you but you can only pray that he moves on quickly, he has always deserved better than you anyways.

Fundy was there when he needed to be. You always tried so hard to be the best uncle you could be but it got hard sometimes. Wilbur, despite how hard he wanted to be a good dad, wasn’t always there so you and Tubbo took dual care of him. You feel horrible for how you treated him when you were with Techno, you never got the chance to apologize however before he left to live his own life. You don’t blame him, you don’t like yourself either.

Wilbur might not be alive anymore but you know that he didn’t really care in the end. He told you that he still cared about you but he said it in the same way that Dream said it, only after your bruises started turning purple. Ghostbur was never truly him, you could always tell that but it was nice to pretend that he was really your brother when he tried to give you hugs and blue.

You wonder if you can get to be a ghost too.

_ Tommy’s death is not that. _

You have gotten used to being hungry.

During the war, rations were rare. Dream didn’t allow any trade to come into L’manburg and Tubbo was the only one with a farm so 9-year-old you got used to fasting. It wasn’t too bad though, you could ignore the hunger pains when all 5 of you were huddled into the camarvan sleeping in a pile. You can only wonder if the hunger pushed Eret over the edge into betraying L’manburg.

In Pogtopia, the only food was potatoes and after a while, your body started to reject the food. The food options on top of the fight training gave you some muscle but you were skin and bones. Wilbur also got skinny too but his veins got more visible too. Now, looking back on it, you think that was from the cigarettes and gunpowder exposure.

In exile, the only time that you were allowed to eat was when Dream let you. It was not the only thing that Dream put restrictions on but you have gotten used to that. The food ranged from dried beef to apples which you would always scarf down. Techno gave you soup and potatoes when you spent time with him, so it was a step up at least.

You haven’t eaten in a while, that might be why you were too weak to fight back.

_ When Tommy dies, it doesn’t mean anything. _

You never went to school.

Wilbur never had any money to put you and Tubbo into school so he tried to homeschool you both while he could. It was hard to learn during a war, so you basically have a Year 5 education. It was more than Wilbur got, so you can’t complain. You learned how to write and read the easiest, but you only wrote comedy stories but now you wished you wrote history books.

All of L’manburg’s history is going to die with you and you hate it.

_ It is just a death. _

You are a soldier, not a good one but still.

Wilbur made you his right hand man so it must have stood for something, right? Techno also taught you how to fight and he is one of the best warriors ever so you might have gotten at least something from him. You were always better with your words and your mind which didn’t stop you from being killed twice but it at least made it so you helped Tubbo from being hurt which is worth more.

L’manburg was built to use words instead of weapons. You tried to hold that moral as tight to your beliefs as possible but it got harder when everyone else who made that rule went against it. You are used to being left behind in the past but it hurt when people called you a traitor for wanting to hold onto the one thing you had left of your brother. 

You know that you are selfish, but still.

_ He was considered a hero, but he never died on the battlefield. He always died alone, to a god who broke him apart, piece by piece. _

You have always had an issue with ripping yourself apart for everyone else.

You gave your childhood away for your country and your people. This one hurt the most since you didn’t even try on purpose to do it. You didn’t even realize it until you woke up one day and realized that you couldn’t remember the last time that you and Tubbo went to the flower field without weapons or armor.

You gave away your loyalty for your friends and family. You became an uncle for Fundy, a soldier for Wilbur, a guardian for Tubbo, a friend for Ranboo, a brother for Niki, an ally for Techno. You never asked for anything back, you don’t want them to give anything back and sure, most of them threw it back in your face but that doesn’t matter. They might hate you all but you still love them so much even as you lay here dying.

You gave away your mind to Dream. This one didn’t even hurt since it was always going to happen, no matter what you tried. He was never going to let you go, you are his favorite puppet and you don’t even feel the strings anymore. Dream has taken away 2 of your lives so when he started to punch you down, you couldn’t help but resist the urge to laugh at how you weren’t at all surprised.

You have been so broken apart, you don’t know if there is anything left to fix.

_ He was often called the sun, but he died with no light. _

You miss your mom. 

You’ve never met her but Wilbur loved her so she must have been amazing.

_ He was loud, but he died quietly. _

You can’t resist the urge to shout.

You have always been a loud person and you never even knew why. As a baby, Wilbur has told you some stories about how you would babble about nothing while Tubbo just sat there playing with his toys. That seems to be how most things in your lives have worked out, you being loud enough for the both of you. 

A lot of people have called you annoying and a jerk for many years and you used to disagree with them but after a while, you gave up on trying to tell them something else. Dream told you that you weren’t worth anything and you can’t help but be surprised that no one told you sooner. Dream might be an asshole, but he did some things right.

You haven’t decided if him killing you is a good thing.

_ He sacrificed himself for others, but he died for no other purpose than an empty threat. _

You used to have an ego, but being arrogant killed you.

You aren’t sure if you tried to piss him off on purpose though.

_ He didn’t die in an instant or slowly, he just died. _

You have been hurt before.

This isn’t a surprise to anyone. Your scars are all over your body, they aren’t as obvious as Tubbo’s but they still hurt. Well, you guess except for your leg and fingers. You lost them due to frostbite while you tried to get to Techno’s house. They still ache, and even now, you still feel like they are actually there. 

It was hard to learn how to fight again with only 7 ½ fingers, but you have fought wars at the age of 9 in worse conditions so you manage. Sam made you a new prosthetic recently, you were supposed to have a final size check the week after your visit to Dream. You guess that you have to die with only one leg since Dream stole it when you pissed him off.

You couldn’t even leave if you wanted to, and you lost hope that Sam was coming back a while ago.

_ It wasn’t poetic, he wasn’t held in anyone’s arms, no one yelled his name. _

You wonder how everyone else will mourn you.

Niki and Jack will probably have a celebration. You haven’t admitted it to anyone, barely even to yourself but you know that Jack and Niki want you dead. You aren’t dumb. You still care about them both however, and when it comes down to it, you would rather they beat you to death than Dream because at least, you can die with people that you consider family in the end.

The Eggpire will probably try to spread more of their cult shit. You don’t truly understand why it doesn't affect you, maybe it understands that Dream already has control over you. Bad used to be someone that you kind of looked up to. He was strong and an amazing fighter while still being kind and well-liked. That is better than you ever managed to do.

Everyone else will probably not even care. Sapnap, Karl, and Quackity are good people but most of the time seemed to at least not like you so they will get to move on. George is probably somewhere asleep. Purpled was once your friend, but you haven’t seen him in months, he left for a better life and you can’t blame him. 

You would have cheered for your death as well.

_ His last words and thoughts weren’t even meaningful. _

You used to dream about when you were going to get old.

You and Tubbo always wanted to get a cabin when all of the fighting ended. It would have been in a flower forest, and you would have had dozens of pet bees and cows, each one of them with a unique name. You would be as loud and as energetic as you wanted with no consequences. The fighting never stopped so that dream never came true, but it was nice to hope.

You used to have more hope, it all died with Wilbur.

_ Tommy died as Tommy. _

You want to go home.

You don’t know if that is your childhood cabin, your dirt shack, L’manburg, Pogtopia or even Logstedshire but it doesn’t matter. You haven’t gotten anything that you have ever wanted, so just once, you want to get what you want. You want to die on a sunny day, with at least one person who gives a fuck about you by your side. 

You don’t even want to live anymore, you lost hope that you would get the long life that everyone wishes for the day that you saw a man pull a bow back and have to point it down so it would hit your 10 year old heart. You lost hope when your entire family either died or abandoned you. You lost hope when your only friend was your goddamn abuser who everyone still cares about more than they cared about you.

You lost hope a long fucking time ago.

_ It was just a death, and that’s all it should be. _

You aren’t a hero.

You are just a boy who is laying on the ground dying from lack of oxygen from a punctured lung and crushed windpipe. The crying obsidian ceiling above is growing duller by the minute and your ears are just full of static. You are just a dying boy who wants to see his dad and you don’t know if that is Sam or Phil but does it even matter?

You are just a kid who grew up with his older brother and his twin in an empty cabin alone in the middle of the woods. You are just an amputee who never got medicine to help with the pain. You are just a soldier who will be buried in an unmarked grave. You are just a 16-year-old who wanted to at least get his braces off.

You are just Tommy and you are sorry that you were never good enough, never strong enough, never pati…

That is your last thought before you hear your heart, for the third and final time,

stop beating. 

_ (That’s all he should have been, just Tommy). _

**Author's Note:**

> [TommyInnit was beat to death by Dream]


End file.
